Will you speak about people "mirroring" each other? If what another person does irritates me, is that a reflection of myself?
Yes. Your clue that there is something that you can learn about yourself from an interaction with another person is your emotional response to the interaction. When you do not want to see something about yourself, you will be irritated when you see it in others. This is "mirroring." For example, if you are irritated when you see someone whom you think is selfish, conceited, and callous, look inside yourself for a part of you that is selfish, conceited, and callous. Try to remember a time when you spoke or acted in the same way. If you cannot remember such a time, keep looking.
When Linda and I were first together, I noticed that I became irritated when I felt she whined. I could not imagine myself as a whiner. I, who rode motorcycles, jumped out of airplanes, was a combat veteran and a former Green Beret officer, could not be a whiner. Nonetheless, I continued to watch myself for whining. Speaking with Linda one day I heard myself whine! It was startling, but unmistakable. I didn't like what she was saying, and I was whining about it, rather than telling her what I was feeling. From that moment onward, I felt less and less irritated when it seemed to me that Linda was whining.
Becoming irritated when you see someone doing something that you do—but don't know that you are doing—is a well-known phenomenon. Psychologists call it "projection." You intensely dislike in others what you don't recognize, and don't want to recognize, in yourself. Finding in yourself the very behavior that you dislike in others is called "projection recall." When you do that, you bring your attention home. You see where the behavior that you find so objectionable really is. It is in you. Then the behavior no longer creates an emotional reaction in you when you encounter it in others. If you are with a selfish, conceited, and callous person, for example, you will simply act accordingly.
Paying attention to "mirroring" is an important part of spiritual growth. It requires becoming aware of everything that you are feeling, and learning about yourself from what you feel.
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